Companions..!

Words and writing were my friends and companions
for all the years I did not have real ones.
They held my hand through the marshland
and pulled me up each time I started to sink in.
Sometimes it took longer than others because
I made the classic mistake of struggling in quicksand;
but the words reminded me to calm down and breathe.

In those years, if ever the words threatened to leave,
I felt suffocated. I would begin running in circles,
calling out for them; worrying that dusk would set in
and there would be no papers to burn into the beginning
of a fire.
I think they call it panic, but I never did.
The word scared me - I didn’t want to become reliant
on writing.

Someone should have told me, I already had.

They always came back.
They would wait until the very last moment,
and then tiptoe into my vision as darkness began
to hinder it. I would pretend not to notice them,
by busying myself with unnecessary things;
but they always felt my relief.
It was palpable even to a stranger.

Perhaps my lack of real friends
and companions contributed to the ease
with which I can be read.

The two followed me everywhere;
into coffee shops, public restrooms,
and around parts of the world.
Sometimes as quietly and unnoticeable
as shadows, and other times yelling
at the tops of their voices and distracting
my footing - they have made me walk
into furniture on more than several occasions.
A true sign of friendship, wouldn’t you say?

I don’t remember when I found them.
They kept me company when and where no one
else would, and only asked that I stay out
of school libraries unless it was to borrow a book.
It worked in my favour that they didn’t like
being there; I didn’t either.
I preferred to study or read in the peace, comfort
and familiarity of my room. They liked it there too.

I don’t know what they did while I studied.
I know they liked to be around when I worked
on assignments, but while I revised, they must
have found ways to occupy themselves. Unless
of course, they were asleep… because I would
study late into the nights and keep my days free.

Once I finished my education and ended
a relationship I knew was bound to fail before
coming into existence, they began spending all day
and all night with me.
They wanted to keep an eye on me and chose
to sleep beside me each night even though I didn’t.
They silently sat beside me during meetings
and interviews, or filled into the margins
of my papers; and put up with the mood swings
and sleepless nights that accompanied illness.

The words and writing are tired.
They were my companions for all the years
until I met you.
And now they sit like old ladies; watching
from a distance, on the most comfortable chairs
in the room, and giggling about the questions
they will have forgotten to ask me by the end
of the day.

They haven’t left me.
They know I finally understood their purpose
and now they have time to relax.
I know I will always have them.
They know I have a friend, a partner
and so much more.

I have a companion and they are letting me live.