I know I’ll have it. Someday..!

you know, i used to be an atheist until we met like,
why do people rely on this celestial dictator having
to exist?
but then you touched me, and fuck, i had to see.
because all the things were just a dream
if there wasnt something bigger out there than me,
there had to be something that made it so that both
of us were born missing something like a house
missing a family or a person missing their heart
and when you touched me i knew, that someday
if we both got amnesia and ended up on opposite sides
of the world, that we would find each other,
a little more weathered down, with callouses on our feet
and stardust in our eyes and we would touch each other
and that would it, that would be the beginning
of a whole new story.
now im busy praying and thanking.

When I grow up,
I’ll have sand underneath my fingernails.
I’ll lie underneath the sun, my skin will burn,
and I’ll tip a bottle of rum back down my throat.

And when I’m older, when things are all better,
I will enjoy this world.
I’ll have galaxies worth of freckles,
I’ll be able to enjoy my favorite foods
without counting all the calories,
without measuring taste against cost
and cost against beauty.

And someday, I won’t wait for someone
to catch me when I fall.
I’ll live alone, and I won’t have to cry.
I’ll be on my own, and I won’t dream
of what it feels like to die.

Because when I’m all grown up,
I won’t have to keep a dream journal filled
with all the same nightmares.
I’ll smile without my lips feeling tight.
I’ll reach my hands out the car window,
feel the wind against my fingers.

When I’m older, I will be happy.
I won’t cling to his shoulders like a makeshift anchor.
I will explore distant shores,
fall asleep on empty beaches, watch the stars,
talk to God, sing at the top of my lungs.

Because when that day comes,
my scars will be faded.
My nightmares will stop visiting every night.